Em’s fight against anorexia
Em left us her story and her fight against anorexia, thanks Em
I’m an 18 year old girl and I suffered from anorexia for 2 years from age 15-17yrs and I’m still recovering- its a slow process. Anyone who encourages anorexia in anyone is disugusting, its one of the most horrible, painful, troubling times in my life! I’ll tell you what anorexia is like first-hand: Imagine the only thing you think about all day is food- that’s it- when you can eat it, how much of it you can eat, what you are going to eat I was so obssessed with food that if someone asked me what I was going to eat that week I would be able to tell them exactly what I would be eating each day that’s how sad it is. You stop trusting anyone else who makes your food paranoid they are secretly putting in “extra†food. I used to eat hardly anything a day. My day was waiting for assigned times where I could eat I was so hungry that I just couldn’t wait until I allowed myself to eat. It makes you stop socialising with your friends cause you don’t want to have lunch with them because then you have to eat resturant food which is higher in calories. I would a strict food plan as I knew exactly what I was eating like a comfort zone- I am serious I ate the same thing everyday 95% of the time. I would exercise 14 hours a week, my exercise instructor cried after class one time seeing how thin I had become- that hit me hard.
But you don’t realise what you actually look like and how people percieve you- as being way, way too thin. Your mind is manipulated into this obssessive, controlled, rigid, sad world. You develop a unnatural relationship with food and it scars you forever. I’m still recovering and am a healthy weight now but still have remnants of my anorexic experience with me like not being able to eat a whole chocolate bar I haven’t for 2 years stuff like that. Anorexia is not to be taken lightly if possesses you mentally and takes over your life its what your life revolves around entirely even when you want to think about something different. Love yourself for who you are naturally embrace your own inner and outer beauty because we all possess it I just wish I learnt that sooner, I wish all girls would realise it so there wouldn’t be problems like anorexia, believe me ANOREXIA IS NOT WORTH IT it might seem like it at the time. When you have anorexia you so through this stage of thinking anorexia is your friend- sound stupid right? But then you realise its not and thats when hell kicks in and you escaping seems so close but so far your mentality is so heavily distorted and smothered by anorexia. So please girls I’m serious don’t think there is anything positive about anorexia its not just a physical thing it also heavily effects your mentally and not just temporarily but forever and I’ve had to learn the hard way. Please don’t take the advice of this those tips!!!
I Have never been anorexic and i never plan to be thankfully i do not look at myself as fat, i’m 15 and i am about 7 or 8 stone which isn’t that large (well i hope not) i suffer from extreem self-esteem problems but i am glad to say that it’s not gone to the extreems of anorexia but i do think about my wieght alot not that i think i’m fat but think i might gain the wieght one day. I have read this in great deal and it really makes you think, i highly recomend people “trying” or actully newly anorexics should read it. i think this person is incredably brave. I know what you ana or mia people are thinking “What does she know shes not even ana or mia!” but i sugest you erase those thoughts because my younger sister is anorexic and bulimic and i see the pain she goes through every day she HATES and LOVES food at the same time yesterday it took her 6 hours before she ate her dinner and after she puked it all up again. I have been there by her side next to the toilet with her EVERYDAY and shes only 13. xxx
Comment by Charlotte — March 29, 2007 @ 6:15 pm
I’m 17, senior in high school. I am still battling against anorexia. I have begun this battle when I was 14 as a freshman. I weighed 156 lbs, and it sure damn showed. That was in June of 2004. By my 15th birthday, July 24th of the same year, I weighed 115 lbs. I was made to be a short little chunk. My pelvis is incredibly large, I have tendonitus in both my wrists and ankles. I didn’t know that then. I was frightening looking. I thought it was just because I was still fat, but it was because my bones were sticking out of my skin. I couldn’t go outside and get exercise that I needed. I would pass out easily. When I finally got scared out of the ED, I COULDN’T eat. My body rejected anything besides water.
I stopped for a few years, and now, as a senior, I weigh a healthy 153 lbs, with a very even lean:fat ratio, I have started again. I thought I had beat it. It’s an addiction until smoking or drinking or whatever. You can’t just…take a pill and it’s gone. You’ll always be fat, no matter how many pounds you lost today. Take this seriously. This isn’t glamorous. It’s frightening and could kill you. I’m glad this site is up. Thinspiration is HORRID, and I will fight until I die to put this down.
Comment by Lea — April 9, 2007 @ 12:29 am
Yeah, that’s a great tip. Too bad I never had a choice about my mentality towards my weight to begin with, though.
Anorexia isn’t a choice.
Comment by Mallory — April 21, 2007 @ 1:41 am
Sure, anorexia, like schizophrenia, is a mental disorder, not a choice. The choice is in finding and using available treatment to combat the disorder.
Comment by Amelie — April 29, 2007 @ 7:31 am
i have thought about my weight for a long time and yes to be completely honest i accutually thought about becomeing anorexic, but i like to eat way to much! i weigh about 150 and i know that i need to excersice more but i think of it this way! my boyfriend looks and likes me for who i am! and i have this saying that my mom taught me and it is so true! listen to this
: beauty is in the eye of the beholder:
dont let someone telly ou that you are fat! because if you are happy then good and you should not listen to every body else! your beautyful on the inside aned the heart is what counts!dont let anyone tell you differently!
it can kill you!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by courtnie — May 8, 2007 @ 7:11 pm
To charlotte. You say that you suffer from ‘extreme’ self-esteem yet you don’t think you’re fat and you don’t have any extreme problems due to you ‘self esteem’ problems. Now we all are a little self-conscious now and again, but make no mistake it is nothing like actual self-loathing and eating disorders. I’m sure like any 15 year old girl you are preoccupied with having the ‘right’ image, but you don’t even know your own weight, which goes to show you must not be that preoccupied. So how could you possibly understand what anorexia or bulimia or as you so patronisingly refer to them as ‘ana or mia’ if you can’t possibly relate, and you have no experience of the disease? It is that reason and not because ‘I’m ana or mia’ that I’m thinking, hey this girl has no idea what she’s talking about, because you seem to be quite ignorant to it all. Now I’m not saying this to attack you or to make you feel bad about yourself but I really feel like someone needs to give you a wake up call.
It seems to me that you’re supporting your sister despite the fact that you don’t suffer from an eating disorder, and regardless of whether you do or don’t doesn’t matter, because support is what ‘ana/mia’ is about, and you’ve become apart of it. There’s no such thing as ‘the people’ ana and mia are just people, and there’s no committee or direct ‘group’ to blame, it’s not like a religion were you have the worshipers and the preachers and the gods, they’re all one, and you’re seemingly supporting your sisters illness. Actually from the point of view that ‘ana and mia’ is ‘bad’ and you can’t just become eating disordered and you shouldn’t support it, it seems just a tad twisted that you sit by your thirteen year old sisters side daily as she starves herself and forces herself to vomit up whatever food she has managed to keep down that day. If you’re so against ana and mia, then for the sake of your sister and standing up for yourself and not coming across as a hypocritical idiot, would you not get your sister some help, before she dies. You’re either apart of the problem or the solution…you’re not the good guys…
Comment by Just a word — December 15, 2007 @ 5:05 pm
To Charlette,
I’m 18 years old now, and I got my eating disorder when was about 13 years. The biggest divide that has caused me to hold on to my eating disorder for longer than I should
have “was” that my sisters didn’t treat me like a sister when
I was in it. They mocked me for it, called me out on it - made my life a living nightmare. So, to spite them (although it was only myself getting hurt) I held on to it longer - knowing that it bothered them that I had it.
I would not support what your sister is doing - its harmful and counter productive in many many ways. However I would not make it “huge” - your sister is still your sister (remember that!) she doesn’t become a different person when she has an eating disorder (nor is she a different person when she loses it.) While eating disorders are dangerous diseases you need to treat them like phases (ignore them, but not too much). If you blow it out of proportion things only get worse.
I know that I eat better when my family isn’t down my neck and/or I’m more inclined to do so naturally. However, I know that when my family is angry - I have a tendency to under-eat, your sister or others may have different responses. If you can train the person to react differently to a common trigger situation (my family’s anger) then you can change the resulting behavior. Or if you can change the trigger than the behavior will change (my family never get’s angry = my ability to eat regularly.) Remember that these things have to do with emotions - not weight or numbers (although as ED people we tend to mark them up to be). If the emotions change - ultimately the idea driving the eating disorder will as well.
If you are concerned over “the numbers” because they’re reaching unsafe levels (loss of period, obesity, etc.) That’s when you need to contact a doctor - I would suggest first off a medical, and a nutrition examination. Normally they suggest that on the first sight of an “eating disorder” therapy is recommended. I think that with nutritional couciling from a Dietitian (not just a nutritionist) aware of your concerns may be able to either assist the patient or point you in the proper direction for care.
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if you are looking for ThinInpiration - then you don’t have anorexia and you should stop looking. Anorexia is a mental disease that doesn’t result from looking a pictures of “attractive” women. To think that you can program yourself to be anorexic is impossible - can you program yourself to get phenomena? No! Sure you can lower your immune system - just like you can develop anorexic habits - but that doesn’t mean that your sick or that your anorexic.
It pisses me off for people to say “I wish I was anorexic.” Why? Because you want to be a picture! To mock your friend, to develop self-reliance, to be beautiful, to catch the boy’s eyes, to beat your sisters, to get attention. These things don’t require 2-figures, 18-19 BMI’s, size 0’s, plastic surgery, or any of that nonsense! If you feel like they do than you’ll never get any man or revenge that your after. After 5 years with an eating disorder I have realized this! And for those with ED’s who want them - I’ll say this: I wasn’t a failure at ED (it landed me in the hospital only 2 times!) and I’m small because of it. Yet, it’s not worth it and it’s not healthy! I’m 126 lbs with a 20% body fat percentage and I’m 5′3″ people think I’m 110. I’ve been 130lbs then 95lbs with
Comment by Lindsey — December 28, 2007 @ 2:14 pm